Springtime is a time of change, reinvigoration and growth in nature. This can apply to our romantic relationships, too. Because of the changes in weather and our surroundings, spring is a season that naturally supports personal growth and positive change for couples. The way we communicate can be a powerful tool in building a happy marriage. Below are 7 things you can do to successfully discuss difficult topics and change your communication for the better.
- Breathe and stretch
It is helpful to stay calm when a conversation becomes challenging. Stress generates irritability, irritability leads to anger, and anger shuts down your ability to communicate effectively and hear your partner. So before you get involved in dialogue that has the potential to get heated, take a minute to engage in relaxation. You can also use this strategy when a discussion takes an unexpected turn. Why? Studies of brain activity have shown that simple exercises, such as breathing (while slowly counting to 5 on inhale and exhale), stretching your neck and even faking a yawn, can change your brain in ways that measurably improve your communication skills.
- Try to be brief
Being longwinded with your point can cause the other person to shut down and put up walls. Whenever possible, speak a sentence or two at a time, then pause and take a breath to relax. Why? Research shows that our conscious minds retain only a tiny bit of information at a time. When you need to speak longer, warn your partner of this in advance. This will then allow your partner to focus and ignore the interruptions of their own thoughts.
- Diffuse with a smile or positive thought
Consider this; it’s hard to feel angry while you have a grin on your face. If you want to boost the success of your communication, think about a happy memory or someone you love before starting the conversation. These pleasant thoughts creates subtle but inviting facial expressions that convey kindness, compassion and interest. When your partner sees this, it automatically evokes a feeling of trust in their brain. The expression on the other person’s face will then unconsciously reflect yours creating a warmth during your interaction.
- Stare into your partner’s eyes
Remember that feeling you used to get while getting lost in your partner’s eyes? Eye contact stimulates the love connection circuits in your brain, decreases the stress hormone cortisol, increases the brain’s feel-good hormone oxytocin and also enhances sympathy. Looking at someone’s face for 3-5 seconds increases connection and warmth.
- Express your appreciation
Appreciation is a powerful way to show your love for your partner. The first words you speak will set the tone for the conversation, and a compliment may be all you need to set your partner at ease. Complaints, however, create a defensive reaction and will rarely get you what you want. How can you use appreciation to improve your communication? Begin each conversation with a genuine compliment and end with a phrase that shows deep appreciation for the other person. Research shows the last words spoken in a conversation linger longer.
- Use your tone of voice to build trust
About to broach a sensitive topic? Take care to speak gently as your tone matters, too. If you drop the pitch of your voice, the listener will hear and respond with greater trust. Studies show that only 30% of what we communicate is expressed in words! 70% of what the other person hears is communicated through our tone and nonverbal gestures. Slowing your speaking rate and lowering your pitch will communicate more caring and sympathy.
- Listen… Really listen
This one is harder than it sounds. Research shows most of us begin to speak before the other person has finished talking and spend almost half of the time while our partner speaks constructing our response. To listen fully, stay focused on the person speaking and use nonverbal gestures to focus your attention and convey your attention. Nodding and making eye contact are good ways to show your listening. For extra points, repeat back what you heard your partner say!